There's this really cool character on the show Girls on HBO, her name is Jessa and she's played by Jemima Kirke, and she's my spirit animal. She's everything I dream to be, which is really weird because she's everything I'm not and everything I wouldn't wanna stand for and everything I wouldn't be proud to be. She's a hippie girl with long curly hair and tattoos and she has all kinds of emotional problems and she's so raw and honest and she loses it sometimes out of nowhere and she's lonely and helpless but really fucking demented at the same time, but she's so beautiful and daunting too, impatient, careless, well-traveled, experienced, very worldly, endured through a lot of pain at her age, she's an atheist and she's SO cynical. The type of friend to get you into trouble, fun trouble, free spirited and just free in every other sense. She's not dependable, dropped out of school or quit her job or some irresponsible shit like that.

I want to be her but I know that I'm not like that and I would be stretching out my personality very far if I attempted to be this way, this way that I yearn to be. 

She makes other people uncomfortable and I feel weird by just even standing out in a crowd.. 

Or is it just that everyone always stresses to "be yourself" so much that I'm so blindly comforted and okay with not changing my timid ways? Or would I actually be changing who I am to become someone else? Or is that who I truly am.. Who I truly want to be, who I'm destined to be and if so does that automatically mean that the person I am now is not myself? 

I have questions

American-Hustle/Wolf on Wall Street

I watched two movies today: American Hustle and Wolf on Wall Street. They're both very similar, loosely based on con artists in the US. American Hustle in the late 70's, Wolf on Wall Street in the late 80's. As with every movie that I love, I of course, left the theater feeling very inspired. Inspired to hop into a time machine, move to New York, wear fur and marry a stockbroker. On a more serious note, I am enamoured with the glossy eyes through which Americans view crooks and their greed, materialism, physical beauty and egos among other things. 

 

(On "Wolf") 

Scenes of wild debauchery drive "Wolf" through a three-hour roller-coaster ride that taps into public fascination with lifestyles of the rich and crooked. "America loves a winner," Winter says. "We're seduced by the lifestyle: 'Oh, my God, look at the girlfriend and the wife and the house and the jewelry and the suits and the car. Particularly in this country, nobody really asks: How did you get all this stuff?"

It gets more intricate than that though. Alec Baldwin also starred as Wall Street con artist Hal Francis in "Blue Jasmine" earlier this year and had a very accurate description of the gray area in which this topic continues to thrive in our modern society: 

"Americans have a very complicated, almost inexplicable relationship to making money. We believe that success within this capitalism system is right and good, and we think if people cut corners, that's OK — to a point. But when someone wrecks the whole machinery just to serve their own needs, everybody seems to save up their venom and animosity for that one person — the biggest example would be Bernie Madoff. And yet people have no appetite whatsoever for reform."

As a middle class American, I agree. We root for the working class, idolize the schemers, condemn the 1% and pity ourselves. 

Which is why the nearest AMC sounds like much more fun than trying to sit at home, study statistics, weigh out losses and gains, pick the more convenient political party... yadda yadda yadda..

Although maybe your Great Gatsby withdrawals are enough to lure you into another 180 minutes of tuxed-up, man-of-the-hour Leo. 

I read recently that an aspiring writer would often re write entire excerpts written by his/her favorite writer.. I think this is very refreshing and at the same time very old. Very refreshing in the sense that I don't very much hear about anyone having that kind of passion about anything, much less writing.. Also very old in the sense that there was once a time when people were this passionate. 

I think it's beautiful and I think I'll give it a try. 

Why is it that stars were so effortlessly flawless in the 90's? 

I admire the sleek silhouettes, tight black tank tops, black cocktail dresses with no design, mid-length skirts, plaid flannels, the white crew neck Julia Roberts wears to a baseball game in "My Best Friends Wedding", the beautiful red dress Rachael Leigh cook wears to the party in "She's All That". Items of clothing that aren't anything special- not trendy or "fashionable" if hanging on a hanger. Not items that scream "glam", but when on the right person all the little details work together to make a beautiful memory. The way a cream crew neck adorns her collar bones and makes her gold necklace so much more beautiful, the way her fitted black dress hugs her body in all the right places without studs, mesh, lace or a cleavage plunge. 

Nowadays it's all body-con, bandage dress, glitter, etc. And once on a whole, designers get it right, but for the most part, the 90's concept had it right: a piece of clothing, outfit, ensemble or dress should not outshine the person wearing it, you shouldn't remember the way a woman looked uncomfortably girdled in an ill fitting glittery cream dress that disagreed with her skin-tone, or how her tousled up do looked so orchestrated .. You should remember how effortlessly cool and beautiful she looked wearing a black dress in contrast with her porcelain skin, how the dress was cut perfectly to show the most natural amount of cleavage, how beautiful a girl can look with her hair up, without anything over powering her. 

Can I just say how very tired I am of every article I come across that points out how unrealistic Sex & The City is? How Carrie would never be able to afford her wardrobe writing a sex column, how she would never be given a Vivenne Westwood gown for her wedding.. Hell, there's even a blog with the name "Carrie Bradshaw Lied". No shit. 

It is a work of fiction. It is a glamorized, glossy dream of what every girl would want in such a crazy city as New York. The endless possibilities: running into exes and their wives, being flown out to LA by Matthew McConaughey, having a friend with en ex who lends his multi millionaire Hamptons crib to her for the weekend, daily brunch, nightly bar hopping, endless occasions to shop for, parties to attend.. 

What I love the most about Carrie (and everyone else hates) is the fact that she isn't a bitchy lawyer or a high profile PR professional like Samantha. She speaks to all the aspiring writers, all the humble small-town-heart hopeless romantics. Not all of us wish to be celebrities, debutantes, feminists, political titans. 

A humble, fashionable apartment, steady, interesting job, one on and off love of your life, a sisterhood of 3, and a slew of dating, fashion, and social mistakes might be the American Dream for more girls than you'd think. 

So I'd like to say to all you heyterz: Carrie Bradshaw isn't real. Nothing about her is realistic. She is like Santa and The Tooth Fairy and if you want something realistic, you're better off watching the Discovery Channel or the depressing 10 o clock news. Grinches. 

How To Wear Jordans

1. Wear something to offset the urban factor.. pretty much make your outfit like an everyday outfit.. So when someone looks down at your shoes BAM! It's a surprise.  Also, having your girlfriend dress like she's in an indie band for the day helps.

2. Be a famous kid. If you're not a famous kid, have one. He can wear them however he wants. He will be cute until he grows up to be a hot Hollywood mess one day. 

3. Be a really sexually attractive white female. 

The trick to this is being white. Any hot black or Hispanic girl has been there, done that. Not special. Even white females that resemble Hispanics or white females that often dress urban don't count. You have to be like, white as it gets. And you can A) Be Kate Upton or B) Wear a push up bra and deep V-neck 

4. Look like you have a lot of money. Look like you have no clue that wearing Jordans is fashionable or that rappers wear them with jeans and white t-shirts and chains. You just got off your private jet. You're just going shopping and you want to wear comfortable shoes. Wear them with your Gucci sportscoat. 

Also, if you're the dad of a famous kid who wears Jordans and you also look like you have a lot of money, then you're probably the holy grail of Jordan wearers... Not. 

5. 

6. Be the kind of person that can do no wrong. Like, ever. 

A Martian Sends a Postcard Home

Caxtons are mechanical birds with many wings 
and some are treasured for their markings-- 

they cause the eyes to melt 
or the body to shriek without pain. 

I have never seen one fly, but 
sometimes they perch on the hand. 

Mist is when the sky is tired of flight 
and rests its soft machine on the ground: 

then the world is dim and bookish 
like engravings under tissue paper. 

Rain is when the earth is television. 
It has the properites of making colours darker. 

Model T is a room with the lock inside -- 
a key is turned to free the world 

for movement, so quick there is a film 
to watch for anything missed. 

But time is tied to the wrist 
or kept in a box, ticking with impatience. 

In homes, a haunted apparatus sleeps, 
that snores when you pick it up. 

If the ghost cries, they carry it 
to their lips and soothe it to sleep 

with sounds. And yet, they wake it up 
deliberately, by tickling with a finger. 

Only the young are allowed to suffer 
openly. Adults go to a punishment room 

with water but nothing to eat. 
They lock the door and suffer the noises 

alone. No one is exempt 
and everyone's pain has a different smell. 

At night, when all the colours die, 
they hide in pairs 

and read about themselves -- 
in colour, with their eyelids shut.