There's this really cool character on the show Girls on HBO, her name is Jessa and she's played by Jemima Kirke, and she's my spirit animal. She's everything I dream to be, which is really weird because she's everything I'm not and everything I wouldn't wanna stand for and everything I wouldn't be proud to be. She's a hippie girl with long curly hair and tattoos and she has all kinds of emotional problems and she's so raw and honest and she loses it sometimes out of nowhere and she's lonely and helpless but really fucking demented at the same time, but she's so beautiful and daunting too, impatient, careless, well-traveled, experienced, very worldly, endured through a lot of pain at her age, she's an atheist and she's SO cynical. The type of friend to get you into trouble, fun trouble, free spirited and just free in every other sense. She's not dependable, dropped out of school or quit her job or some irresponsible shit like that.

I want to be her but I know that I'm not like that and I would be stretching out my personality very far if I attempted to be this way, this way that I yearn to be. 

She makes other people uncomfortable and I feel weird by just even standing out in a crowd.. 

Or is it just that everyone always stresses to "be yourself" so much that I'm so blindly comforted and okay with not changing my timid ways? Or would I actually be changing who I am to become someone else? Or is that who I truly am.. Who I truly want to be, who I'm destined to be and if so does that automatically mean that the person I am now is not myself? 

I have questions