I've never done it. Okay- lies. I've done it once before, but it was in high school and it was my first "love" and we all know that doesn't really count. What really counts is your first love.
Again- lies. I've done it many, many times. But only once with a mindset that it was permanent. Other times, for whatever reason. "Get away from me." "I can't believe you did that." "I messed up badly and I don't wanna deal with the repercussions so I'll break up with you until you deal with it on your own." "I just read old emails and I'm wondering why you don't get me flowers anymore."
All of the above have come out of my mouth, believe it or not. Yes, I've been a bitch. No, I don't regret it. Being a bitch has gotten me into a lot of turmoil I've had to build a thick skin to get out of.
Regardless, I've broken up lots of times but never gone through a real break-up.
Many times, on the verge and with a full intent of breaking up, I would get emotional and confess all my love and start to be really sweet and understanding so of course the most sane thought would be as follows: "Why are we breaking up in the first place?" So then I would trigger what would become a circle. These circles would happen over and over and over and there wouldn't be any space between them until they stopped. And everything was perfect. But still something was missing.
As wrong as it might sound to say this, I would imagine my own break-up. A sudden push and pull. A revelation. A skeleton in a closet. A huge, apocalyptic fight. Another person, maybe. A final straw.
It is much more complex than that though. It doesn't happen all at once- no, that would be too good to be true.
Breakups are slow. First, you stop including each other, you begin to make more and more plans without them. If you do try to make plans with them at times, it becomes too much of a mental hassle that you would just rather not. You hear random tones, words, thoughts. All hinting at what you would rather just turn your cheek at. Too many bones broken, too many times, too many hours, tears, years. You start to wonder how it wasn't that trip or that spring fling two years ago that shredded everything apart.. It was everything along the way. Moments when you decided to keep quiet, nothing to say. Moments you decided to stop yelling, stop fighting. You stopped fighting for each other, then you stopped fighting each other, then you just stopped fighting, then you just stopped. Everything stopped, and everyday slowly became a fuzzy blur of just barely keeping track of each other.. Emotions under wraps, careful not to make a mess.
I have a theory. My theory is that this is not an end to a relationship, but a point. A point in very many emotional, tumultuous relationships that most people don't get past. Sometimes, it's best for both parties to wave a white flag and move on with their lives.
I read a beautiful anecdote once that is true when it pertains to people, but also when it pertains to human relationships:
"Dying is easy. Living is the hard part."
I believe whole-heartedly that breaking-up with someone you want to be with is taking the easier route. Notice I didn't say easy but easier. There is no easy route, but once two people have changed and hurt each other too much, it is much more convenient to start over with someone who's a perfect fit and the complete opposite of your ex.
Trying is harder. Trying to rid yourself of the past and of old mannerisms and old memories is a bitch. That's why so many people call it quits. While it is true that some are just attempting to get out of toxic relationships, most of the time, you are both contributing to the toxicity of your relationship; therefore it can be undone.
I used to be very Tumblr about my relationships. I would carry one truth with me around everywhere at all times. It was my go-to advice to others and I was loyal to it. "What's meant to happen will."
What I thought it meant was that if something doesn't work out, it just will not. You move on, and trust that fate will take care of your broken little heart. I then met a boy who completely crushed my truth; "That's such bullshit. If you really love somebody you don't care about what's supposed to happen. They are what's supposed to happen. You make it happen, no matter what."
That was almost five years ago.. My truth changed then and there.
Every now and then I read articles and blog posts that really get to me.. Some as sensitively titled as: "When You Should Know It's Over" or I see a girl's picture of herself freshly-coupled up a month after a break up or I just hear some kind of comment about how staying together is twisted logic.. and my reaction to that is a 17 year old boy's wise words: "Thats such bullshit. If you really love somebody you don't care about what's supposed to happen. They are what's supposed to happen. You make it happen, no matter what.
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