Words

I consider myself a writer because words strike me in ways no other kind of art does. 

Whether it's a quote from an indie chick flick, a lyric, a book excerpt, or something I've been personally told and never forgotten, I keep these with me and revisit them ever so often. They melt me, I repeat them, sometimes I forget which ones are mine and which ones I've molded into mine. 

Everybody has their favorites. And unlike everything else in life, you can be sure that words will never get old, they will never betray themselves, they will always mean something similar, they will always change with you. 

These words stick with different people because they all tell different tales, they all strike the right chords at the wrong time and we have always discreetly carried them before even hearing them.. They are ours way before they become ours.

 Here are a couple that have stuck with me over the years:  

"Your lips are nettles

Your tongue is wine 

Your laughter's liquid, 

But your body is pine"

"..magic soaking my spine.."

"..Childhood living is easy to do.." 

"..staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.." 

"..only love is all maroon.."

".. Is it by mistake or design?"

"Well, I'd like to think I'm the mess you wear with pride

Like some empty dress on the bed you've laid out for tonight" 

"Possibilities of sweetness on technicolor beaches had been trickling through my spine for some time.."

"You smell like a million roses bathed in rock n roll" 

"Gargoyles, standing in front of your gate,
Trying to tell me to wait,
But I cant wait to see you.
So I run like Im mad,
To heaven's door.
I dont wanna be bad,
I wont cheat you no more."

"They say the Devils water it ain't so sweet

You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman"

"Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine"

"She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita."

"Life changes fast.

Life changes in the instant.

You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends." 

What It Means to be Hopeless And A Romantic

For a hopeless romantic, I'm really either too hopeless or too romantic.

Let's branch out about this..

Yes, I love the idea of an undying love and a gentleman with morals from the 18th century, taste in classical music a la Edward Cullen, a soulmate, a better half, a fairytale story, an inside joke, love letter, serenades.. The whole love fest. Nothing new, I have an old soul with old fashioned needs. 

This is what I believe to be though, the reason why I'm also very hopeless. Every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet nowadays (in my city at least) can't count the number of girls he's been with on one hand, thinks Wiz Khalifa and 2 Chainz are actual musicians (rolls eyes), and their idea of a great date is Blue Fish (or some other "popular" uncreative trendy restaurant) and an action movie at the local AMC. 

Ways to fix our guys: 

First of all, you can't change or fix a guy who doesn't want to be changed. You also can't trust just anybody. Trust isn't something you can control or try to do, you either do or you don't. And when you don't, there's not much else you can do. You can either go crazy, or you can hone your crazy into other things. This starts by fucking loving the shit out of yourself and saying "I'm too good for this shit." But not in the sense that you go parading around on a high horse telling everybody how much better you think you are than another person. You're too good 'cause your momma taught you better. You're too good cause you love yourself fully and you want to stop being negative and sad and angry all the time. You want to be your best self to every one around you. You look at happy people and you say "I wanna be that, cause she's happy and she looks beautiful." And you be that. You find this peace within yourself over time, quietly and slowly and maturely. I found it by exercising and spending every day after school with my grandparents laughing about memories and putting myself into charity work, riding the train at times, just placing myself into places where I could be by myself and truly be amazed at human kind, our resilience, how we all fight different wars with ourselves every day, how to perform small kindnesses and how to plant positivity every day.

Now about that bad date.. No my expectations of a date aren't too high at all.. What about doing something no other guys do? What about walking up to the door and knocking with a five dollar bouquet from Kroger instead of calling that you're outside? I may not speak for every girl out there but a gesture like this, a humble meal at her favorite restaurant and time to talk sounds like a much better date than any stuffy five star restaurant.

And while you can't change your taste in music, how about developing a taste in music? Whether it's classical, indie, jazz, some sort of beautiful music you can both appreciate when you're not pre-gaming or fist pumping.. (Cause hey, you'll need that when you grow up anyways!) 

Not all guys are the same just like not all girls are the same, but I have a theory that if we stop whoring ourselves, lying, whining, instagramming a picture every damn minute and comparing guys to each other and start appreciating the morals that make some men great we will end the stigma that girls are sluts, bitchy, materialistic and sneaky. If you appreciate and value yourself you won't be doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and while we all have lapses in judgement, I'm sure by our twenties we've all learned right and wrong and that the day after that right or wrong, right sits happily on our shoulders while wrong leaves a whiny ache. 

But even if guys stick to their shitty music and boring date, roll your eyes if you need to, but after that stick to your own morals, remember your value.. And any guy (even those with an IQ as low as Ryan Lochte's) will also see what you're worth, what you tolerate, what you are truly glowing about and you will inevitably attract your choice of Edward Cullen, Romeo or Mr. Darcy.

Valentine's Day for the Unconventional Girl

For me, Valentines day is so fun because I make of it what I want it to be- I always make it macabre or bloody.. I love the juxtaposition of romance and beautiful flowers and chocolates with stories of death and pain and darkness..

I love watching Tim Burton love stories such as Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare before Christmas, and the Corpse Bride. 

On February 14th, we're told to celebrate the bright side of love; the butterflies, romance, passion, sex, love, lust.. But nobody ever appreciates the dark little corners and I love making the most of it- making it scary almost.. I celebrate love stories that didn't end well but not in that Titanic or Notebook way.. In a Romeo and Juliet way.. Very violent and beautiful stories such as Greek myths, Shakespeare's tragedies and any other story that left a dark legacy. 

I've always loved love stories but had a weird, (uncharacteristic almost) penchant for the macabre.. I don't know where it started but it may have happened while other girls were twirling in their Cinderella gowns. When I was much more fascinated by Alice's trips or the dark monsters Hercules saved Megara from, or even the beautiful Gargoyles in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. 

If you want to make me, (or any unconventional girl) happy this Valentine's Day, take me to a midnight dinner at a graveyard, bring me a fake bloody bouquet of roses, burn me a horror movie soundtrack mixed cd, buy me a Tim Burton themed card, take me to an actual abandoned haunted house, plan a whimsical picnic in a darkly lit setting with old silverware.. With possibly.. a ouija-board? Did I go OVER-board? 

Anyways, the possibilities are endless! Happy Hauntings! Xoxo 

People come into your life just as soon as others leave your life.. And some just float around in your life aimlessly. Other times you float aimlessly in others lives. This may be the worst kind of relationship- cruel, slow, unsure and unworthy of any real time.. Just a massive warped blur in your timeline waiting to be eclipsed just as dramatically as it was created.